It’s important to find balance in life right? I know I’m constantly working on what to shift my focus on. This world is so over-stimulating that we can often start to feel overwhelmed with what to care for? I’ve learned that as an empath I take on a lot more energy than needed. In fact there is a point in which you can care too much. This is the fine line I’ve danced with over the last few years and you know what, it’s okay to let go of some of that baggage. As an esthetician I inevitably act as a source of therapy for some, and a punching bag for others. It comes with the territory and after 10 years, I understand that the ones who need to use me as their excuse to be upset it’s simply a projection of what is going on with them. You know what I do for those folks? Give them more love, since they clearly need it.
Truth is, you can only take care of yourself and that is your only true responsibility. Once we leave our parents’ homes it’s hard to not feel like someone else should be responsible for keeping us accountable but it’s also really great to have the freedom to choose what we want out of this life. For the longest time I felt like it was completely on me what people felt and thought about me. I cared about how THEY felt about ME. Letting go of what doesn’t serve you will help propel you through the threshold that may be holding you back. Here is some insight on how to let go and have a “who cares” attitude.
Growing up I cared about what my teachers, fellow students, friends, boyfriends, boyfriends family, my sister, my parents, my co-workers, and even strangers thought of me. That’s a whole lot of weight to hold for a girl who’s 5’3”. The constant anxiety of feeling like I had to convince people that I was “good enough” (scary verbiage, but my exact wording in this time of life) was too much. I would snap at everyone in my life. In my mind, I felt it was excusable to have such a strong reaction to whoever was around because didn’t they know that they pushed me to snap?? Well no, they didn’t. They had nothing to do with it actually. I had every capability to control my reaction and stop projecting my insecurities on others.
There comes a time in life when no matter what you do, some people will not like you. This notion crushed me. I felt that life was only worth living if everyone got along. With over 7 billion people in this world how can I have such high hopes? How many of these 7 billion people were going to be personally impacted by me? less than 1%...actually more like .00001% (my math could be wrong but you get the point).
That’s when I learned the concept of perspective. My point of view was completely narcissistic and that wasn’t who I was at my core. I care about humanity but I can’t care about each human, because I will also not like everyone out there. We’re all so different and have more than enough within ourselves to stay happy. I stopped wasting my energy on what others thought since I can’t control that and started fueling myself with all this excess energy. Asking myself the following questions really helps when I’m feeling a overwhelmed again:
“Who am I trying to make happy?”
If I’m not the first person on this list, I start reevaluating. I use to think this was selfish but then I realized I’m pointless around others unless I’m happy.
“Will this matter in a day, month or year?”
You know the saying ‘this too shall pass’, well it’s true. Time doesn’t stop when you’re having a hard time so let go and know that you will be alright. In the most overwhelming of times I focus on my breath. This immediate grounding technique will help bring you back to center if you are starting to spiral out.
“What matters to me?”
If I’m so focused on something that ultimately strays me from what’s important I have to ask myself this. What matters to me is staying true to myself so with each situation I ask my heart to lead the way. It has never failed me.
“Am I hurting anyone?”
The last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone. But there are two sides to this, am I being true to myself and someone is choosing to hurt by my actions or am I being deliberate. If someone is hurting it sucks, but through pain comes realization and some of my best personal breakthroughs. This isn’t the goal, but being deliberate is out of the question. Kindness is way easier to spread than hatred.
So I leave you with this. If you start to feel like you are hurting your growth as an individual than take a step back and look at what you are focusing on. Downgrading the level of attention you give to other situations, individuals, issues and things you ultimately have no control over will start to set you free. Who cares! Be you and live your most authentic life. Give yourself the energy you need to do so and watch how you will flourish.