Negative Self Talk
Over the past few weeks I have been struggling with a lot of insecurity and distrust for how my path is unfolding. During the last few days I realized that I wasn’t honoring myself and representing my beliefs that I share with my client base. With a trip to the east coast planned for my collaborative project with Tara Curran, for our conversation called SKIN FOOD TALK, I started to feel the insecurities of exposing myself. As a naturally reserved and shy person, I can get really reclusive and it takes a lot of self care and love to get myself in front of a crowd of strangers to speak. The good news is that since I’m so passionate about our topic I know that I can kill it even when I’m feeling the most insecure. The problem I was finding is that I wasn’t treating my body and my mind with the love it needs. As I was in this low, I felt all sorts of emotions from myself and others. I was feeling like I am just attracting negative feedback and energy. GUESS WHAT; I WAS! With all of the negative self talk I was giving myself I was only digging myself deeper. Here is what I did to get myself out and how you can do the same:
1 - Phrases like : “You should” or words like : “Always”, and “Never” are not beneficial to your vocabulary. It is literally impossible to do something all the time or none of the time, we fall in the middle and with life being as unpredictable as it is, never say never. I try really, really hard to avoid should-ing anyone because it immediately brings upon shame to that individual who is genuinely trying their best. Case in point, have you ever asked advice about your relationship? The first thing you hear is “you should this” or “you should that”. But when is that advice ever consistent? Switching your vocabulary for yourself and others to positive suggestions such as “Here is what I advise” or “In my opinion” you are taking ownership of the advice and not throwing the weight of responsibility to someone else. Words are powerful and simple shifts like this make a huge difference. When I get an email or text saying: “I have NEVER broken out like this” or “I ALWAYS follow my routine”, I start to worry. Let’s be real with ourselves and communication between myself and a client is a safe place to be vulnerable and truly find what is going to start making the shifts needed for your overall health happen.
2 - Over the last few weeks, I have been talking about how much I am dreading being in a bikini. I don’t feel like I have the bikini body that I want and so instead of doing something about it, I’ve been dwelling which only increased the anxiety. Many of you will be able to relate to this as I discovered that it’s not my body I’m afraid of exposing, it’s my insecurities. In my career, I have seen so many different types of skin, bodies, personalities etc. we are all meant to be different and have something special to bring to the table. Hiding behind my insecurities that I may not have a model body doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve a beach day. When I have clients who tell me they are insecure going out or meeting people because of their skin, it BREAKS my heart. Then I realized, I do the same. But what is the insecurity really about? Is it that you are hanging out with people who don’t reflect love at you, or are you feeling like you will be judged? Really think about this: If anyone in your life doesn’t want to take the time to understand how you are in a process of healing and doesn’t love you for who you are in your current state be it good or bad, than that person doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Marilyn said it best: “If you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
3 - Self love and self care are essential. Let’s face it, life is about ups and downs. The likelihood of feeling complete and content all the time is miniscule. This isn’t a bad thing, this just gives us the opportunity to work on ourselves and continue our journey of growth. We stop growing when there is nothing left to learn which as you can imagine usually doesn’t happen. There is a lesson everyday so understanding that the lows are the universes’ way of telling you to take care of yourself. This is a lesson that I for one am constantly re-learning. I define self love as the opposite of negative self talk. When I want to tell myself I look ugly or fat, I consciously have to redirect the thought and say OUT LOUD: "I am beautiful and my body is perfect". Doesn’t matter how I think I feel, I know that if I try hard enough I can shift it. And guess what it works!!! I always start checking myself out and start thinking “I DO look good”, like it’s a surprise or something. I define self care as more of an act of love which helps us cope with daily stressors. This is necessary for everyone, whether you think you have time or not. The moments that I incorporate a mindful breath or a short stretching sequence helps me get back to my body. No one can take care of you the way you can take care of yourself. If you don’t go for a walk, or journal, or sketch, or even just sit outside to take in the sounds of nature, your body will start to suffer. When your body suffers then your organs will start to actively work to tell you what they need. Eating healthy to me is a huge form of self care, so I can usually tell if I haven’t been actively participating in my self care practices because I lose connection of what my body nutritionally desires. It becomes a cycle of negative self talk as well, where I start to see my body shift into a form that I’m not confident with. This happens with skin as well. Most of us pick, poke, neglect, or simply speed up the opportunity to care for our skin. So when we get breakouts, rashes, dryness etc. it can feel like it happened out of nowhere. This is your opportunity to reflect back and tune into what your skin is trying to tell you. Honor yourself and treat yourself with love. Your skin will reflect only that.
Now this doesn’t mean that you will all of a sudden wake up and be the “picture perfect” version of what you think you need to be. What will happen is if you follow my suggestions above, you will start accepting yourself exactly as you are. You are perfect the way you are. If you don’t love yourself, that is more detrimental to your health than eating gluten or using a drug store cleanser. You are you and that is enough. Be kind and loving to yourself and just like me, you may need to remember how to do it every once in a while. Surround yourself with people who want to pick you up and reflect the love in your heart, not the pain. I promise to be that person for you as much as I can too! xo