So I got married over the weekend...
I got engaged in an "unconventional" way and I got married in an "unconventional" way. But who is it really unconventional to? Because I stuck with what felt like the most organic way I could imagine such an important day. Yet I was still met with many questions from the get go about the "whys" of my choices. Everyone becomes an advice giver when it comes to another person's life event, and don't get me wrong, I listen. See here's the thing; I've been doing treatments for a long time and overtime I listened to the thousands of brides, bridesmaids, grooms, and in laws speak of the weddings happening in their lives and I came up with a few of my "when I get married rules". They definitely apply to many other life events as well as the day to day. Here are some tips as to how to stay true no matter what:
1 - You know that feeling that makes you uncomfortable in your stomach?
The one where you feel it in your bones when you don’t want to do something but feel like you have to? Well, I’m all too familiar with this feeling and knew very well that it was going to give me an ulcer if I didn’t listen to what it was telling me. Several years ago, I saw a video circulating around facebook about a simple city hall wedding that was really intimate to the couple and their union. You see, I’m not the type of person who likes to be the center of attention. It took me years to feel comfortable having an instagram that wasn’t private let alone post a portrait of myself. The very thought of having a group of people staring at me while I professed my love to my husband made me seriously nauseous. To start and end our wedding holding hands and sharing the privacy of our vow exchange was important to me. Listening to my body cues that were telling me what I truly wanted was very important.
2 - Say no.
I often don’t say no. I say yes because I want to say yes, not because I actually want to do what comes along with saying yes. If that doesn’t make sense think of it as if you were to say yes before knowing what came along with it. The phrase “Will you do me a favor?” comes to mind. I usually say yes without thinking of the actual consequence of what the favor may entail. It’s taken me a long time to just say a firm no. I often follow up with “but if you want me to” or “but let me see how it goes”. A firm no is more of a big deal to me than it is to the people who are being said no to. When people asked me if they could come to our wedding, I had to just say no. If it’s you then it’s everyone and then someone will be left out for whatever reason. Practice saying no to small tasks and you start to recognize the boundaries you are setting are ultimately going to be the healthiest for you.
3 - Small to me meant less waste.
One of the first thoughts that often comes to my head during weddings are how the resources are being used. Will the leftover food be donated? Are they carpooling? Will this gifts wrapping paper end up in a landfill? You can see where my priorities are and how my brain explodes at the thought of utilizing excess fossil fuels from plane flights, cars and other modes of transportation just to have a multitude of people attend a one day affair. My entire family is out of the country and it seemed very obvious to me that having them all come out would be a waste. Especially when memories are easily shared on social media nowadays. I stuck with my guns and our friends and family understood and seemed to find my decision quite responsible. I bought a used dress, made my own bouquet and our rings are ethically sourced from recycled materials. If you are concerned about your carbon footprint, there are so many great resources that are out there to help you determine what may work best for you. For the amount of compliments (and money saved) on my dress, bouquet and rings I’d say I made another great choice for my conscious.
4 - Things go wrong, so just do your best to enjoy yourself.
Chances are it will work out. The week of my wedding, I had an intestinal issue that uncomfortably bloated me to the point that I even considered rescheduling the wedding. I had to remind myself that my husband loves me no matter what I look like. I prioritized myself by going to acupuncture, taking my days a little slower than usual and listened to my body. So when the wedding day came I swear the dress never looked better on! By the end of the day, the bloating was back but I felt too excited to care. I was enjoying myself so much that when I look at pictures, I don’t see the negatives, I see myself enjoying the best day of my life.
At the end of the day, I find myself to be so incredibly grateful for the entire event. It was easy, fun and so very much filled with love! If I hadn’t listened to my clients over the last 11 years and quietly taking notes on what may work for me, I probably would be in debt and had a miserable time.
Everyone has a different version of their fairy tale, but at the end of the day if you stay true to yourself, even your wildest dreams will come true. Just like marrying my best friend was one of mine.
xo - Hayley