I was in an energy session recently where I was faced with a question that hit me like a ton of bricks. “Are you standards too high for yourself?” is exactly what I needed to hear to let go of the physical anxiety holding me back from actualizing my goals. My standards for myself are astronomically high. They have been since I was a young girl because I showed signs of emotional depth, intelligence and empathy really early on. If someone was mean to someone else on the school playground, I would mediate. “How would you feel if you were in their shoes?” was the first question 6 year old Hayley would ask. Immediately I set my standards high and so did everyone else around, not leaving much space for me to crumble down if I needed to.
We develop different standards for ourselves at all stages of life. First it starts with our basic needs by wanting to provide ourselves with enough safety, shelter, food etc. Then it becomes about our standards for our relationships. This applies to our families, our partners, friendships and work relationships. And then it’s our turn to evaluate how we value ourselves. Our self worth is really impactful in making any decision in regards to the other aspects in our lives. The standards we hold for ourselves should make us fulfill our maximum potential right? Well, maybe not. Could your standards be misinterpreted as unachievable? I see this everyday in my clients and in myself. This is why reassessing our standards could be the healthiest part of our self care.
If you think your skin is suppose to be perfect, how will you ever be happy? Our standard has been set by shameful media marketing over the last few decades and it’s only getting worse with social media filters and the facade it creates. I absolutely love when I see how a honest reveal about how a post was doctored up but it still makes it hard for me to accept that many expect to be flawless all the time. Flaws are human. Flaws are real. Flaws make you, YOU. If you don’t have them you might have to check your dna for some missing links. Our skin standards have been held up to an impossible standard for too long that maybe it’s okay to start accepting the lack of perfection as our new normal. What’s so wrong with a little wrinkle or sun spot? A blemish is your body working hard for you to communicate an imbalance or it’s working the kinks out for itself. We simply cannot keep on with the ideal that our skin is suppose to be perfect because that’s not achievable. Shift your standards to focus on being your healthiest and happiest. This makes your visit to your facialist far more enjoyable when you visit to pamper and care instead of scrutinize and shame yourself.
When I look at my day to day I am just now recognizing that I set my standards so high that everyone else had to follow. I was so jealous of the kids in school or fellow co-workers who would seem to get away with everything or slip by with doing the least amount of work. Why did I have to overachieve on behalf of them? That’s the problem. I wasn’t. I was overachieving on behalf of myself. The world doesn’t stop without me and it won’t without you. If you overcompensate to the point that people are shocked when you don’t achieve above average levels, you set that standard. Reassessing your standards can help you release the anxiety that is stalling you from the growth you are seeking. If you want you skin to change, your body to change, your relationships to change you have to be the first person to make the commitment to do so.
So I leave you with these questions to ask yourself when thinking about the standards for yourself; Are you being kind to yourself? Are you focusing on bettering your personal physical, emotional and mental health? What are you going to do about whatever is blocking you from getting ahead? It’s okay if you don’t know the answers. That’s where your wellness community comes into place. Finding your team of friends, family, service providers and practitioners that see the light in you will help remind you to keep your head up.
Thanks for reading and know that you are exactly where you need to be and perfect as you are. xo - Hayley