Holding space and letting go...
I’ve been so excited to come to back to this very spot and write to all of you for this week’s post. As much as I want to jump on the bandwagon of writing a gift guide or a holiday how-to, it’s a little overplayed and I’m a little late in the game. My intention behind this post is to talk about space. Whether it’s holding it, giving it, receiving it or simply understanding your need for it - it is an essential part of growth and healing. Space is something I have often not allowed myself the time to have for many reasons that at the end of the day are all fear based. I don’t give myself time to relax, be alone, or just not busy often because I’ve been nervous about what will come up for me. While on my honeymoon I finally got it, that space I was seeking and so much came up for me.
The first lesson that came up for me is a very specific language that I find has created a trigger for me. The language I’m speaking of is the language of “should”. “You should visit this place...”, “You should eat this food…” and then the language of “shouldn’t” really digs deeper. “You shouldn’t do this…”, “You shouldn’t do that…” really irritates the hell out of me. So my process of avoidance seems to just allow me to let those triggers fly over my head instead of force me to think about the why.
We all have our triggers and it’s clear when I work on someone when I’ve hit it, they get defensive or start shying away from our conversation. It’s never intentional for me to make someone feel uncomfortable or triggered but unfortunately when we dive into health, it’s such a vulnerable experience that some aspect of it will surface. Overtime I have tried really hard to cultivate a language that feels acceptable to all walks of life and I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve had that have taught me what not to say just as much as what to say. It’s a little mortifying to think back on my younger self with no real professional training in how to hold space when someone is breaking down in your care. That word again, space, is such a valuable part of this journey for all involved. It’s really difficult to understand the intricacies of space in such a vulnerable exchange that all it takes is practice.
I’ve experience such profound breakthroughs with my clients where my language was crucial to providing a safe space for them, so much so that I started to expect the same respect back from my peers, clients, and others I share my time with. The truth is that it’s not that simple. We really do have to work together to communicate what we need. Often times I have felt like if I grip onto something so tightly I can control my outcome - like obsessing over my skin, holding onto relationships that don’t work anymore, or even just an old belief system that’s begging to evolve. Anytime the control is too tiring and I start to let go I get to a place of peace and understanding. The language doesn’t affect me as much and I’m open to the potential of a different outcome.
So I leave you with this; as we enter the next two weeks of holidays where the space seems limited, the language very triggering, and the control grip is slowly slipping away - just breathe and let go. You are grounded enough in yourself to know what is best for you and you will be tested many, many times. Don’t take it out on your skin by picking your face or yelling at a relative over the holiday dinner. 2018 is right around the corner and it’s your chance to finally hold some space for yourself to set your intentions for the new year. It’s only going to be as good as the intention you put on it, so make it a good one because you deserve it.